how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
