What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize