The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
