She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
