can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
