It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
