Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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