there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize