I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
