I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
