you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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