Only a mothe r could love this liver
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just invented taco cereal.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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