I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
