I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
