One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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