3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
