I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
