Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
