well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i will never coherently bang her
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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