I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
