somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
