I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize