I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
