if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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