Having a random hookup so left but love u
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
