he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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