You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
