I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
