i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
