So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
