I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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