I think I am morally bankrupt
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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