get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Drunk walkin through police station. America
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
