I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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