Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I believe in your delicious
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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