16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize