Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
