ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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