Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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