I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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