Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
