I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Green mimosas i think yes
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
