I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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