You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize