You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
