you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
