I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
