just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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