Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
