You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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