i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
birth control should be required to get into college
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
