1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
