Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
