Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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