Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
