I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
