exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He felt like a one man threesome
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
