i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Randomize
