Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
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