someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Everything about him screamed your future.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
