He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
