Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize