if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
