Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
