I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
