Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
