last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
