It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
