He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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