You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
