So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
