I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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