Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
