I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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