So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
